Of course it does. Of course I have picked 3:30 in the morning to begin my blog. I stop by the computer on my way to bed at midnight or so, and I'm like "I'm just going to check my e-mail, return some e-mails" and then I'm like "and look at our wedding website" and then "and also Salon" and then "mcsweeneys is funny" and then I'm like "Okay, it's 12:50 now. I will be online until 1:00 and then really, really I will go to bed."
And now it's 3:30 and I'm STARTING a blog. What a bad idea! I think when I get past a certain point of tiredness, the tiredness starts pushing on my brain. I can feel it pushing on my brain now, pushing good ideas to the bottom, which hurts. The great idea of sleeping now in my bed with my husband is crushed underneath what feels like an enormous pile of boxes of books. Nothing is heavier than a box of books. I wish somebody would come save me and make me go to bed.
What I hope for with this blog is that the people who read it, all maybe three of them, will like me more with every post. What I fear is that all three people will secretly, in a way we'll never speak about, like me less. What I hope is that my posts will be charming and knockabout in a tiny way, like a movie stub or a receipt you find in your purse that you actually enjoy looking at, because it reminds you of something, like perhaps the movie, if the movie was good, or the thing you bought, if the receipt was for something you use and like. What I fear is that my posts will be more like how a movie stub or a receipt actually are most of the time when you find them, that they'll elicit a feeling parallel to, "Oh, stupid Space Cowboys" or "What a bad hamburger" or "Those pants, I can't quite get behind them."
It will be Dup's fault, whatever happens. He started it, with his blog. His blog works like I want mine to.