Friday, February 08, 2008

nice try, yesterday's self portrait




Yesterday's self portrait preceded yesterday's meltdown by several hours. Oh, meltdown. My friend Kristen is producing a play of hers in New York right now called Hello Failure. Yesterday I was the star of my own production of that play. Hello, failure feelings. Stop punching me.

Sometimes a lifetime's worth of backed-up smallness and shame feeling just sneak up on you and explode everywhere. That can happen, for example, if you're feeling like you're not very good at parenting at the moment. Even if it's only that your son is not having a nap for the third day in a row. And when these feelings do explode, it can be very confusing for the people around you. And when they explode, you're like MAN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON TOP OF THIS. I SHOULD HAVE SAID LET THE HEALING BEGIN MANY YEARS AGO. I'VE GOT TO LET THE HEALING BEGIN. JESUS.

Time to figure out how to feel like a big adult again, or for the first time, whichever.

P.S. We're going to the Barack Obama rally today! That ought to perk me up.

1 comment:

Certainlia said...

I had a meltdown today too. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in that.