mr., mrs. and small frankenstein

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I've been apprised about the birds and the bees, but you've got to be kidding me. Can you see that there's a nose? There's a hand? A thigh? Even a brain that you can sort of see?

It's the Halloweeniest.

And it's also Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, my birthday* and the FOURTH OF JULY. This baby business is every holiday but Columbus Day rolled into one.

*an unrecognized international holiday. This will change.

Happy Halloween, you everybodies.

really nice

Last night I dreamed that Dave and I were on an old ferry, standing by a bar. Dave was stroking the face of some pretty young girl, and then

I got punched in the face by a ghost.

Nice.

learning to love you more

First of all, my old ob-gyn is FIRED.

We're on the relieved end of a week full of worry, but let me tell you, we had it bad. I'm not going to go into the whole story because everything is fine now, but on Monday night we basically feared that our baby had died. BAD NIGHT.

And the receptionist you rode in on, Doctor Suckball. And the receptionist you rode in on.

Tuesday morning we found ourselves another caregiver, somebody fan-fucking-tastic who put just about all of our fears to rest. She's a fabulous midwife, and the birth center is like this beautiful soft pink cave. Everybody who works there is warm and groovy.

And yesterday we had an ultrasound and the baby is doing great!! As soon as I get to a scanner, I'll scan in the little baby's profile. Woo-hoo! Our child has a head! And feet and legs and arms and hands and a beating heart! Our child is three inches long! There be a button nose! It's amazing. It's totally a living person in there.

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We celebrated by going to see the unbelievably good movie that we're nearly the last on earth to see, Miranda July's Me and You and Everyone We Know. See it, see it. It makes you be alive better. It's so shocking and tender and hilarious and sublime. And it did that rare thing of ending right at the second that you will it to end, right boom at the perfect moment where it couldn't get any better. What I wish is that I could wake up every morning in the movie theater, watching that movie on the big screen, and then magically find myself back in bed ready to get up and have my day. I would be a better person, a person who sees and feels more acutely.

Here is a delightful Miranda July website, Learning to Love You More, which is chock full of sweet assignments you can complete and send in to have posted on the site. It's a joy to browse. I've never done one, but I would really like to. Tell me if you do.

don't wear a bag over your head or punch the paparazzi

Tomorrow we go for our first ultrasound.

This is what I want to see:



This is what we probably will see:



Who are you, mystery baby?? Are you real? Let's bring it for the camera, little Rowley. Practice your clear face. Practice visibility. Just for now, be more like Paris Hilton, less like Sean Penn. And then later, reverse that.

By which I don't mean, be born a man in a woman's body. It's a stressful way to go.

By which I don't mean that I was a woman born in a man's body.

Just say cheese is all I'm saying.