Tuesday, November 08, 2005

you ain't got no alibi, maternity pants

What's happening is this: I have suddenly begun to show. I was at a record store day before yesterday and idly put my hands on the upper part of my belly. And it felt not like squishy regular belly, but taut, drumlike, baby-packing.

I was startled, and then delighted, and then apologetic towards my child because the record store was playing very loud, very scary music. Until I felt the taut drumminess of my belly I had forgotten that I was concealing a person underneath my sweater - a person who may have musical tastes, which may have been being trod upon. Also, who knows how far along the ears are? The ears could have been like, you know what? No. We're not going to get any more developed. No. Screw you.

And then yesterday, I ran into a pants issue. Other than my sweatpants, and one other miscellaneous stretchy pair of nice pants, I'm coming up empty with pants that fit. I put on a pair of jeans and then wore them unzipped with the button and buttonhole connected by a string, like some sort of trashy, retarded Ellie May Clampett. Let it be known, of course, that my shirt was LONG. But you carry yourself differently when you know you have something scandalously pitiful going on at your waistband.

I understand now that it's time. But I don't want it to be time. I don't want it to be time for these:



And it can never be time for these:




And even though these are good from the elastic down, and nobody would see the elastic part, the elastic part depresses me. Tell me it doesn't depress you:



And those comparatively cute corduroy maternity pants cost $185, to which I say Stop That.

What I want to spend my money on is this:



Shut up, I like them.

24 comments:

la Ketch said...

you have to go target! they have a new maternity line. this is so exciting... jeepers.

Eve said...

Those boots are crazy cute! I thank God daily that there will never be a need for maternity shoes. Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

Also, when the maternity aisle looks grim, I try to be grateful that I am not living 4o years ago, when a pregnant woman's only fashion option was a hideous foral cape with enough lace, frills and bows to suffocate Laura Ashley herself.
Great, now I've gone and nauseated myself.

Eve said...

Er, floral, not foral.

Eve said...

Also- I don't think the woman in that last pants picture is even pregnant! Maybe, like, 10 minutes pregnant at the MOST.
But those would be good pants to wear to a heavy Thanksgiving dinner or something.

louella said...

my friend adina got through an entire pregnancy wearing men's wool pants with very large waists and suspenders. it sounds sort of clownlike, but i thought it was delightfully tweedy and mannish, like those old photos of katharine hepburn in button down shirts and trousers and fedoras.

laura said...

How is it that you are just hitting this phase and we are due at about the same time? I've been in maternity pants for about a month, and I have only one old shirt that still works, although barely. Old Navy Maternity is now my best friend. Every maternity shirt looks like a tent on me though.

I think you should get those boot stocking things as well. You're pregnant! You need to pamper yourself however you want to!

Brikin Blog said...

I love those boot stockings! Oh my god my bloodlust for boots, so recently supressed, has been revived! And about those jeans with the elastic, alot of my pregnant Japanese students wear those and they actually look extremelely cute in them. I know seems counterintuitive, but it's true.

Brikin Blog said...

That's right! EXTREMELELY!

Brikin Blog said...

um. where do those boots come from?

Eve said...

I second b.b's sentiments- you deserve those boots, Tina! Plus, they will keep you and your little turnip extrememelemelemley warm this winter! ;)

tina said...

All you ladies, thank you for your support about my pant needs! And you've totally convinced me to go for it with those boots. I'ma order them next week, and think of you sweet bloggos when I wear them.

La Ketchie: I went to Target a few days ago...sadly, I found a wee wasteland. Maybe there will be something new there soon. I bless your heart for your excitement, cookie lou.

Louella: Man pants! Suspenders! That is a charming aesthetic, I love that suggestion.

Eve: It's true, we don't have to dress like Lucille Ball when she was carrying Little Ritchie on I Love Lucy. I gotta get over myself. And hey! You get yourself some boots, too!

Laura: Hi! Man, it's weird, isn't it? We're like three days apart. A friend of mine who's pregnant now was popping out like crazy when she was where we are now. And I'm just barely getting going. I think it has to do with how little I was able to eat in my first trimester. But who knows? You were pretty damn sick, yourself. It's a mystery. And you, too! Get some boots or something, too!

Brikkie Bahloggay: Those boots? Zappos, bebe. Oh, Zappos. Zappos. And look, it's good to hear about those pregnant Japanese ladies in their jeans. They're a styley contingent. And you go get boots, too! There's no law that just pregnant ladies get to get them.

Anonymous said...

Overalls , overalls !!!!!
God i am so glad you are preparing me for what may await me in a few years !
I want to see how cute you are pregnant !
I am coming to the Ikea plays tonight.. maybe i'll see you !
Dorothy.

Callie said...

I found my first pair of maternity pants today at a consignment store. The lady asked me what I was looking for and I said "Pants that won't let my ass fall out!" All belly, no hips *yet*.

I got a stretchy corduroy pair much like the ones in your pic (originally from Hazel & Co) for $35CAD. Can't beat it. I may have a pregnant belly, but I'm still showin' my little butt off for as long as I have it!

I tried on the scary pants with the U-shaped cutout and couldn't stop laughing in the change room. Yikes!

ketchummccabe said...

actually most people do end up needing a kind of maternity shoe! your feet can get very swollen, I call them fred flintstone feet or hobbit feet, but that doesnt happen to everyone and it usually happens at the end. By the way, wanted to ask if hilary and deron are legally married if there wedding official is an ex-con?

momster said...

Hi, Tina. I'm Bladio's sister. I DID have to wear maternity shoes! The last six weeks of my pregnancy I wore my birkenstock sandals to work. My feet and ankles swelled up like blowfish and if you pressed on them it would leave a dent. It's called water retention and it just ain't pretty. Neither are birkenstocks with a suit. But hey, I got a cool kid out of the deal! :-)

tina said...

Callie: Consignment! I totally forgot about consignment.

Meg: Hello! Welcome! Um...don't tell Hilary and Deron that I'm an ex-con. They would be crushed.

Momster: Hi, Momster! Nice to see your typing. I enjoy your blog, too!

Meg and Momster: Wuh-oh. Did your feet return to the same size they were before pregnancy, or did they end up a little bigger? I've heard rumors. I don't want to say goodbye to all my shoes forever. But if the worst thing that happens is a great baby and all new shoes, I will not weep too long.

momster said...

They ended up a little bigger but I didn't care because at least they weren't watermelons anymore! I went from a 7-1/2 to an 8. :-)

kww said...

Tell us again when this baby is due. I am wondering when I will wander into the world of maternity pants. I hear it is sooner the second time. I am committed to not gaining 60 pounds this time...so I don't want to use my previous pregnancy as a guide (and I don't remember...selective memory...I'm not sure).
Thanks.
kww

tina said...

Hello, Miss Katie!

My due date is April 20th - I just passed the 17 week mark. And I didn't know that you're pregnant again, congratulations!

P'tit Boo said...

April 20th !
That's right... my birth ...
Michael Seiwerath's birth... and .. ....well... some guy named Adolph. Ahem.

kww said...

Thanks! Yes, I am pregnant again. I am due April 28...that is so close to you. How exciting! Yay! I am glad to follow you along this journey...I let you know about the pants, although I have sort of moved into my post-pregnancy pants for now...you know 2-4 sizes up from my real size...but they are still loose!!!! Okay, a little loose.

hpmelon said...

OK, wasn't going to say anything, as I am not sure if we have ever met, but feel I must contribute.

H & M

Cheap, cute maternity clothes.

tina said...

Oh, HPMelon, wouldn't I just shop at beloved, beloved H&M if there were one in Seattle. But there is not.

Arrgh, arrgh.

hpmelon said...

OK then, not as hip, but still cool enough and decently priced.

Old Navy