Tuesday, September 05, 2006

i got my braces off and I know that soon you will too

I've been poring over my high school yearbooks, boning up for the reunion. First I will share some thoughts/epiphanies/top-notch ideas I've had, and then I will treat you to some of my favorite texts from my yearbook signatures over the years.

1. I looked, and the results are in. There is not one girl in my class who wore more eye makeup than I did. No one can touch me. If a little eyeliner is pretty, a lot is SO pretty. Have a look at my senior picture. Bottom right-hand corner.

In my defense, my hair is not particularly egregious, and that photo was taken in 1985. But that is some not-fucking-around eyeliner. I remember a friend of mine gently telling me during my freshman year, "Tina, your eyes are so pretty. You don't need to wear so much eye makeup." And I was like, what is she talking about? I look GREAT. In retrospect, I understand that she was just looking out for me. If she has any sartorial or cosmetic advice for me at the reunion, I'm taking it.

2. Was it your experience that all sorts of the most random people in the world wrote their phone numbers down for you when they signed your yearbook? Give me a call this summer if you get bored. People wrote down their phone numbers who would have been seriously startled if I'd dialed them. Here's my great idea: I want to call all those numbers now. Mrs. Skoglund? Is Eric there? Oh, not for a while, now? Well, if you talk to him, tell him I was bored so I thought I'd call. Tina Kunz. Kunz. Tina Kunz. From Nathan Hale. Great. Thank you.

3. Here are some photos from our drama class. The caption for the picture at the top really shows you what a great foundation we budding actors were given. I shall provide it for you below, as it's too small to read.

"TOP LEFT: Kim Clark, Kisha Palmer, Tina Kunz, Joanna Lasky and Christi Rhodes (sic) practice their facial expressions for drama class."

To be a good actor, you really have to know how to make facial expressions. Look what a good actor I was already at the tender age of 16! I could make a look at that, that's funny expression, and I could make an I'm an airhead expression. Twenty years later, I bet I can make at least twenty variations on those. I am a wonderful actor. They say it takes twenty years to make an actor. Perhaps I will do a skit for everyone at the reunion.


And now it's time to enjoy some classic yearbook signatures, or excerpts thereof, or simply a great opening line or so. Most of these are from people I didn't know well, or barely knew at all, rather than from my close friends. Those signatures are the ones I enjoy the most - the pure space-fillers. I think these people rose to the challenge of just filling the space very handsomely. I shall remove the names, so no one is unfairly shamed should they be Googled:

Hey, Tina!! Hey there's enough room up here so I think I'll start to sign! Oh no Mr. Bill! Where to [illegible] Well, hey dude! Chem was a joke this year with Mitch. Michellin Man! It was an adventure, an experience, or something like that! We're Seniors next year! Wow, Hey, Cool (and the gang) I like traffic lights I like traffic lights I like traffic lights " " " " But only when they're green!! Brrrrrrr [drawing of a rocket taking off] 1600 KJET Seattle, Whatever! KJET is cool, No class will ever be as weird or fun as Brock's! Strip Pocher in the Van! COP!! New Coke Sucks [drawing of a can of New Coke with the caption 'too much nutrasweet'] Anyway, I hope you have a rockin, rollin, splishing, splashing summer and I'll see you in September, In more classes! Bye, your friend, XXXX XXXXXX

How's life? Or should I say how's Bjorn Borg. You know you just love him. Too bad we didn't talk too much this year. Hasn't it been so boring in History. Oh, well, keep in touch. My number is XXX-XXXX! Gerard "The Great"

It is almost summer time and that means no more Kopta [old batty French teacher] and lots more PARTIES! Your tennis playing has really improved and somebody you will be as good as BJORG BORN. Have a great summer and see you at the beach. XXX, '86

Radical pen!

Your a really strange person but I'm glad I got to know you. Tina you shouldn't bring so much pizza if your not going to eat it. Not much time left so I'll just say have an awesome summer and I'm sure I'll see you around but if I don't give me a call - XXX-XXXX, Love, _arrett _mith P.S. We'll have to play some tennis this summer.

WELL I CONFESS I HAVEN'T HAD YOU IN ANY OF MY CLASSES! So I can't say that BUT I still enjoyed the things we did and I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss lot's of people. Remember I'm going to Germany so while your missing people feel sorry for me. However I'm not depressed right now so I think the first thing we should do is go PARTY!! Dude. In all seriousness you are a wonderful person and I think your beautiful too. So stick to it dudette, remember me, remember Ms. Kreuger and remember to smile I LOVE YA _RUCE _ASON P.S. serious good luck in the years to come and may you live in a boat this big. [arrow pointing to a big boat in a photo] P.P.S. remember everything important studette

Well, there you have it. I bought that shirt. I'm going to wear it. I have a haircut scheduled for the day of the reunion, which is always a mistake. I considered flipping through the senior photos for the most upsetting haircut, and getting mine done that way as a tribute, but I think I will just let the chips fall where they may.

In parting, here's the back cover of my senior year yearbook. See if you can find my picture in there. (Hint: Look to the eyeliner.) Also, aren't you surprised to learn that Bill Cosby, Marilyn Monroe and that bull went to my high school? Well, they did. Look at 'em.


Anonymous said...

I think I would like to hear more about your adolescent Bjorn Borg fixation. Was it the headband? Chicks dig headbands.

Stay sweet! Don't party too hard this summer.

Eve said...


Stay cool, dudette. I see you and your well defined eyes to the right of Marilyn. I also see Kevin Bacon and a male Jennifer Aniston.

Have a rockin' summer, and call me so we can PARTY!!!!!!

Well, I'm almost out of time, (because High schoolers have such tight, important schedules,) and I must go feather my hair.



ps- how cute are you in high school!!!

Anonymous said...

Tina. You are so lucky that your yearbook photo is so good. Mine is hideous! And there it is for everyone to see FOREVER!

Jessica Leader said...

Wa-ha-ha! Gotta love those yearbook inscriptions from people who don't have that much to say. But you've especially gotta love the people who mention teachers you had three years ago, your last connection together. I had a classmate who did that and I never quite forgot the lameness of it all.

Anonymous said...

I dunno; that blonde chick in the upper right is sporting some pretty serious David Bowie eyes. At least your shit was monochrome.

I kind of hate my old yearbooks. I was incredibly unpopular until I was about, oh, 26, so my yearbooks are full of signatures and phone numbers (I know-- what's up with that?) from people who are-- and you can tell this from the signatures --clearly shocked that I handed them my yearbook. So there's a lot of, "Hi! It was great sitting near you during class. Don't party too much this summer. Here's my phone number. Or at least a 555 number with a 206 area code (Because, honestly, I get the feeling you might actually try to call me.)"

Looking at it now I mostly just wish I'd had the clarity of thought not to have anyone sign it because, in most respects, that would've been about a hundred million times less humiliating.

Ash said...

Go for the 80's hair for the reunion! :)

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Anonymous said...

Truly speaking I am looking for a sweedish pianist Bjorn Borg and it is not showing on your screen Please add his name too. He is very famous,
Thank you
Regards Varoujan Kash

Anonymous said...

my internet journey started today with funnyordie.com how i got here and recognized my year book comment, i have no idea. i am ..ruce ..ason. it looks like you traded a big boat for a beautiful baby. congratulations. glad you are doing well. b