Sunday, January 09, 2011

a unicorn is here to see you

The title of this post comes from an ultra-delightful website that was just pointed out to me called The Monkeys You Ordered, where they assign literal captions to New Yorker cartoons. There aren't a ton, but they're so good. And they've gotten better at it as they went along. A few of the early ones don't have that ultra-plain literal voice which is so perfect, but then they kick IN.

I remember many years ago when lots of my friends were beginning to get serious jobs, and I was not getting a serious job, and we would go out to lunch to catch up and they'd ask me what I'm up to, and I always felt like saying something like, "I'm thinking about going back to school to study to become a unicorn." Because that's what a baby I felt like next to all of these impressive people with their impressive jobs. And then I was telling this to a friend once, and one of us mispronounced "unicorn" as "unihorn", and then we came up with the idea that the real, technical name for a unicorn is "unihorn", and only those really deep in the know about unicorns and unicorn lore know this. So whenever somebody says "unicorn" in conversation, a great thing to do is mutter "unihorn" under your breath, and when they say, "What?" you say, "Nothing. Go on." As if you just know it's not going to be worth it to explain about unihorns if they don't already know enough to care that they're using the wrong word. Like you're not going to cast pearls before swine, but you just can't bear to let that incorrect usage slide by without marking it a little.

P.S. Since so many of you are suddenly here, I redecorated a little, quickly. Added an area for recent posts. Put up a picture of Yoda. Added a Twitter thing. It's like putting fresh guest soaps in the bathroom, really.


JennyBean said...

Love those pretty bathroom soaps!

la Ketch said...

oh god, that make me LOL.

Anonymous said...

Visiting from Finslippy and from this post alone it's clear that Alice was right - you: hilarious.

I am never going to hear "unicorn" again without thinking "unihorn."

Tina Rowley said...

JennyBeans: They're awfully picturesque, aren't they?

Hilary! I love you.

Lifeofadoctorsswife: That is lovely. Thank you. And I'm so glad that the word about unihorns might spread a little. It's time. It's time people knew.

Ironic Mom said...

LOL. I love how you write "fresh" guest soaps. Maybe that's what I've been neglecting...because not only am I a lazy mom, but I'm also a lozy hostess.

Anonymous said...

If the word unicorn comes up in your adult conversations enough to have a rule about what to do when it does, then you've certainly arrived, my friend. I'm inspired. The next time I'm out having some beers with the guys and the conversation needs somewhere to go, I'm just going to bring up some fucking unicorns, goddamit! If I get any flak about it, I'll tell them a gallivanting monkey put me up to it.

Tina Rowley said...

Ironic Mom: There are no little guest soaps in my bathroom. There is a very unglamorous pump thing. That was...I was fronting.

Anonymous: I'm afraid it only comes up that often in my own mind. But you're right - that's a solid harbinger of the right kind of success. And yes! Slam your fist down on the table amongst the beers. "UNICORNS. Let's do this."

Kathy at The Junk Drawer said...

Hi, Tina. I'm your new stalker. I'm so glad Rob Kroese introduced me to you through a tweet. I meant when I said your writing is amazing and that I hadn't discovered a blog with this caliber of writing in a long time.

God, you just made up for the hundred blogs I tried to give a chance, but couldn't muster much energy for. Thank you for writing like you do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a shit-ton of your archives to read through. I'll be back.