Monday, July 17, 2006

max fischer didn't turn out well



Oh, man. This loud, wrongly genteel drunken fellow in a tuxedo just knocked on our door and asked Dave to help push his car into a driveway. He'd left his lights on. Much retardedness ensued*, involving Tuxedo yelling at an off-duty cop** who told him that he wouldn't be driving anywhere tonight.

*including Tuxedo telling us we have a beautiful lawn. Oh, Tuxedo. You can say many things about our lawn, like "Why don't you cut it?" or "You must love dandelions", but you can't say it's beautiful.

**He accused the cop of being a serial killer and demanded to see his license number.

But my favorite part was when Dave left him. Apparently, Tuxedo said, "I'm the star of a play, and I'm going to bring some tickets by for you and your wife!"

I love I'm the star of a play!

Next time I'm in a play, that's how I'm going to tell people about it. With verve like that.

Right now, the Tuxedo's out on the street yelling HELP! HELP! to passing cars, trying to get a jump so he can drive on ill-advisedly out into the night. I bet those cars would stop if they knew he was the star of a play!

Now he's fallen asleep in his car. Sleep well, Hamlet. Don't go anywhere.

7 comments:

Christopher said...

Goodnight, sweet Prince,
And flights of slightly drunken
Tuxedo-wearing angels speed thee to thy rest.

dup said...

Oh, what play! What play! I'm dying to know. People make up some funny answers.

Anonymous said...

I love Seattle!

Sincerely,
Junius Brutus Booth

Eve said...

Judging by the little production he starred in on your street, I'll bet his play is pretty entertaining. I always appreciate it when the neighbourhood lunatic DRESSES UP.
So funny!

Robin said...

In my mind I see a drunken Harvey Keitel in his costume for Pulp Fiction, when he was called from the party.

Shellynoir said...

I can't believe you didn't film him and throw it on YouTube,
with a soundtrack of...um...

one of these?

1. He Stopped Loving Her Today - George Jones
2. The End of the World - Skeeter Davis
3. Last Kiss - J Frank Wilson (or Pearl Jam)
4. Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
5. Alone Again, Naturally - Gilbert O Sullivan
6. Concrete Angel - Martina McBride
7. I'll Be There - Escape Club
8. Send In the Clowns - Judy Collins
9. The End of the Road - Boys II Men
10. Hurt So Bad - Little Anthony and the Imperials or Linda Ronstadt
11. It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday - Boyz II Men
12. Teen Angel - Mark Dinning
13. Goodbye To Love - Carpenters
14. Crying - Roy Orbison
15. Creep - Radiohead
16. I'm Not In Love - 10cc
17. Two Beds and a Coffee Machine - Savage Garden
18. Family Portrait - Pink
19. I Don't Like Mondays - Boomtown Rats
20. Remember (Walkin In the Sand) - Shangri-Las
21. Don't Let it End - Styx
22. Cat's In The Cradle - Harry Chapin
23. Stole - Kelly Rowland
24. Rainy Days and Mondays - Carpenters
25. Hurt - Johnny Cash or Nine Inch Nails
26. Love Hurts - Nazareth
27. Colorblind - Counting Crows
28. My Immortal - Evanescence
29. At Seventeen - Janis Ian
30. I Am A Rock - Simon and Garfunkle
31. Nobody Knows - Tony Rich Project
32. The Freshmen - the Verve Pipe
33. Stan - Eminem
34. All By Myself - Eric Carmen
35. One Last Time - Dusty Drake
36. Cleaning Out My Closet - Eminem
37. Wonderful - Everclear
38. You Don't Bring Me Flowers - Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand
39. (Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song - B.J.Thomas
40. Everybody Hurts - REM
41. Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee
42. Adam's Song - Blink 182

Then again, maybe that's not such a good idea....

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